Don't Set Goals
This is a time when there’s a natural pause in the action and as someone who relishes introspection and reflection, I’m loving it!
And yet for many, this signals a time for resolution making and goal setting.
I think they’re missing the mark.
In my inbox right now, is all this talk about the “effective”, “productive” and “relentless” pursuit of a better version of yourself (your life, your career, your relationships).
I believe they are missing critical pieces of good decision making- ASSESSING and ADJUSTING.
Because the only space for assessing and adjusting is in the pause, in the margins... in the space between actions.
We live in a go go society, in a culture that honors the dreamers and the do-ers.
Those with vision and action get the accolades (and the “likes” on all the socials).
Goals that have been achieved without thought, curiosity or wisdom behind them ring hollow to me.
And here’s why that’s important to you...
We are running on empty, trying to do enough.
How many times have you lost weight, only to still feel “fat”?
How many degrees do you need to feel like the “smart one” in the room?
How many activities do your kids need to be involved in for you to feel like a good mom?
How many hours a week do you need to work, in order to feel like a good boss?
How many times do you need to be the one initiating sex with your husband, in order to be a good wife?
I get it.
I’m a rule follower, by nature, and I absolutely love creating order and making lists.
So, at this time, every year, I would excitedly tackle the next year's goals and tick off the list.
Earn my college degree, check
Get married, check
Buy a house, check
Have kids, double check
Get on the leadership team, check
You get the idea… my lists kept going, my goals grew, and yet something was missing. That sense of completion and satisfaction I was searching for never came.
For high achievers, it’s natural to set the bar, achieve the goal and reset the bar… only higher this time.
Yet, what happens when you follow all the rules…you’ve reached the highest bar… and you’re still not quite content.
That's what happened when my husband told me about his four year affair and said he was ready to divorce.
The same feeling came when my doctor told me that I had had a stroke and that if I didn’t adjust the way I lived my life, I would surely be cutting it short.
Here’s why I’m telling you my story now.
I don’t want you to feel duped, like I did.
So, rather than barreling ahead and creating goals based upon what you think you should be doing, or what others have told you to do…
I want you to try something different this year.
DON’T SET YOUR GOALS… UNTIL YOU PAUSE TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE.
In a few days, I’ll share the template I use myself before setting new goals.
This is a template that my clients and I use on repeat, not only at the end of the year, but also at the end of a quarter, at the end of the month, at the end of the week, at the end of the day… you get the picture.
The framework is simple and replicable.
And it will assure that the life you’re living is not depleting you.
Because honestly, I don’t want a life that I need a vacation from, and I don’t think you do, either.
So, as you are sitting here, reading through your emails, I urge you to STOP.
Breathe in this particular season of your life.
There’s nothing more for you to do.
You’ve done enough.
You are enough.
Soak it in and poise yourself for a better way to approach life.
Cheers to you and life on your terms,