The REAL reason you can't JUST SAY NO
Ever try saying NO?
You’re feeling stretched and overwhelmed and one more ask just came in.
You can’t take it anymore.
So you try saying NO.
And it either feels awful coming out of your mouth.
Or the receiver looks at you like you’ve lost your mind.
“Wait. What? You said No? What happened to you? I’ve always been able to count on you before.”
Let me take a guess at what’s swirling in your head when that happens.
“I know I should have said NO. But I couldn’t say NO to something as important as that. I actually really LIKE all the things I’ve said YES to! But, I’m soooo tired! My list is full of important things. And, yet, I’m never on the list!”
“There I go again. I’ve got no boundaries. I’m so broken. Maybe I just care too much. Yeah… that’s it. I care too much about people’s feelings. Well, I’m no B!@#! Only b’s just say NO.”
Well, that up there is just head trash.
Here’s the real truth:
Your issue with saying NO comes down to one thing.
You need to know what you’re saying YES to, before you can comfortably say NO.
YES comes before NO, every time.
So rather than practicing your NO muscle right now (that comes later), I want you to practice saying YES.
But only say YES to the things and the people that further your values and your goals.
Here’s how to start:
Identify your purpose, mission, values, goals. A good therapist or coach is able to help you with this.
Start small. Practice saying NO in simple, low stake situations. Test drive a sentence at a restaurant or with good friends as you build more confidence.
Be clear. We often think that we’re not being kind when we say NO. But as Brene Brown shared with us,“Clear IS kind.”
Practice transparency. Let them know what matters most to you (your YES). Articulate your priorities. (Is THIS the year to focus on your physical health? Your mental health? Tell them that.)
Be discerning. Filter requests through the lens of your mission, values, etc.
Stay upbeat. Thank them for asking you, but avoid long winded answers. They begin to sound like excuses.
Saying NO can feel awkward and ishy at first
Your time is finite.
If you believe that you’ve been created for a purpose,
you need to be discerning with your time.
When you know what you’re saying YES to, saying NO becomes simple.
It may never be easy for you to “just say NO”.
But, if you’d like to actually love the life you're living, you need to be strategic with your time.
Saying NO is the strategy that ensures your time and energy is spent on the people and the things that matter most to you. (BTW, YOU need to be one of those things.)
When you know your YESES, just saying NO becomes a non issue.
You’ve got this!
Lisa
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P.S. If you’d like support as you figure out how to say YES without distress, schedule a “Walk and Talk” Session with me.
P.S.S. For the month of August only, these 60 minute, private coaching sessions are priced @ $200.00.